learning from your ‘no’s
Let’s face it: if our closets have started to overflow, it might mean we’re not flexing our decision-making muscles as often as we might. It’s not necessarily the case that we’re bad at making decisions; we’re just out of practice!
I’m a sucker for a good wardrobe-declutter video: my YouTube feed is full of them (hazard of the job, I guess). It’s just so thrilling to watch someone get through the end of the process and witness how happy and relieved they feel.
But.
I wonder about the process people take to get there: asking yourself ‘Yes–No–Maybe’ isn’t as easy as it seems. Sure, it can be easy to find the HELL YES pieces, or declutter a clear NO (ripped, soiled, or overly grungy pieces usually get the heave-ho without pangs). But what about the mountain of possible MAYBEs?
Those are all pieces you liked well enough to spend money on and bring home, so of course they’re going to cause a pang when you think of parting with them. But why the heck are they languishing in your closet unworn? Why are they a maybe and not a yes?
That’s why I prefer the idea of building a wardrobe up from a foundation of favorites before you start the yes-no-maybe process. Getting your favorites back into the closet first, and then building up with supporting pieces from there, does two things: it reassures your nervous system that you’ll have something to wear and it’s ‘safe’ to let things go; and it gives you a clear visual of where your wardrobe is going so you have criteria to weigh your decisions against.
The next round of sorting I like to go through is a process I call The Pile of ‘Too’s. Let me explain.
If you held up a garment and it wasn’t a HELL YES or a NO, that ambivalence still has something to tell you: if you don’t love it enough to wear it all the time, what’s stopping you? [If you really love it, but it just got lost in the back of your closet, then pop it in with your favorites.]
When faced with my first pile of ‘maybes,’ I started asking myself WHY they didn’t work for me. Asking why each time, with each piece, and putting them in separate piles based on the answer, gave me a series of different answers, which I started calling the ‘piles of TOO’:
too small (tight, short…)
too large
too bright (I’m most comfortable in ‘knocked-back’ colors and neutrals)
I had about half a dozen ways in which a garment could be … well, … TOO. Sizing, styling, color, fit, fabric – what are your unworn clothes telling you about what you like and don’t like?
Try this out for yourself: get a sheet of paper and write out each flavor of ‘too’ you come across. Does this help you let go of some more pieces more easily? I know it sure did for me; acknowledging WHY a garment wasn’t working for me released me from the subtle pressure I was placing on myself to try to make them work!
Recognizing your ‘too’s also helps you moving forward: there was a moment at the store (or when you were putting together a make) when you succumbed to the temptation of a garment that wasn’t quite right. Now that you’ve labeled your ‘too’s, you can watch out for them in the dressing room or your online shopping cart. Love the look of a biker jacket but hate stiff sleeves? Walk on by. Love the look of orange but know it’s too bright for you? Hang it back up. This should save you from a bunch of missteps and extra ‘maybes’ in your closet that you just don’t wear.
Bear in mind that these ‘too’s can shift over time. As I’ve gotten older, I have a list of garments that I love that are alas TOO WARM right now (menopause is a cruel mistress). My former HELL YESes are now in a time out while I wait for my hormones to regulate - my older friends tell me worsted-weight sweaters will once again be an option … someday. So keep checking in with your body periodically, and review each time the season shifts, to see if you an add to your list of TOOs.
